When discussing fantasies with your lover the question of whether you wish the fantasy to become a reality, or just keep it a fantasy, must be asked. Many fantasies involve some risks & often include behavior that are outside the realm of some people’s “norm”. Then again, there are many fantasies that are very easy to fulfill & well within every couples reach.

When discussing these fantasies some sense of each others limitations must be kept. As with all of the other discussions you have, or will have, about the various aspects of your sex life, an open mind & a nonjudgmental attitude must be held. This applies more so to fantasy talk than any of the other topics we have covered.

Some fantasies may be taken out of context & create an illusion of a sexual act that may appear on the surface as one thing when in fact that is not at all what the person had in mind. The most common example of this misconception is the rape fantasy. No person in the world would truly enjoy being raped, it is a sick & sadistic crime, but many have fantasies about what we could call, a controlled rape. Of course this would be with a person they knew & trusted & would not include any violence of any kind.

There are several other fantasies of this nature that must be cautiously examined but that is for another section. The point of this all is to make you realize that not all fantasies are within the grasp of a normal couple & some are meant to stay just that, a fantasy.

What should be considered a fantasy?

When talking about your fantasies with each other you must be able to openly discuss & listen to what each other is saying. I repeat LISTEN TO WHAT EACH OTHER IS SAYING! A fantasy is someone’s special place where they are usually the center of attention. These can also be a hidden desire longing to be fulfilled. A persons fantasy is something that belongs to them & is usually very special to them, kind of like a child’s special “pretend world”.

Tread lightly when talking about anyone’s fantasy so as not to criticize. Belittling a persons fantasy can have serious emotional effects! Fantasies can be anything from candlelit bathes with wine & oils to bisexual curiosities. As with all of our discussions in this section the level of trust & comfort with your partner will dictate the amount of information you are willing to share. Start gradually & allow these talks about fantasies to go forward at their own pace. Never force someone to divulge something they are not quite ready to tell you. Give it time & practice, it will come to you both as you become closer in your relationship.

Are there Any Taboos?

There are several subjects that may be considered a fantasy, but in reality are not what most couples would consider acceptable. Telling your lover that you fantasize about your secretary at work or the pool boy are not what we are going for here. These fantasies are better left in the closet until your relationship is utterly bulletproof, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Fantasies may include other people in such manners as threesomes or swinging. Many women fantasize about two or more guys at one time & I don’t think there is a man alive who hasn’t dreamt about two women. These are healthy & completely normal fantasies that may be within your grasp, once your relationship is strong enough. Bisexual fantasies are also very prevalent & require this same stability in the relationship.

Our philosophy is this, anything two people do in the privacy of their lives, with or without other people, that doesn’t harm the other partner or damage the relationship in any way is healthy, BUT, it takes complete trust, respect & a healthy relationship to allow it. Communication, once again will help you explore these fantasies in a non threatening manner to see if you wish to proceed. Jumping into any of these fantasies without completely discussing them in advance may cause irreparable harm.

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