Perhaps you have been curious about visiting or just finding a BDSM dungeon near you. You may not want to freely talk to your neighbors or colleagues about your desire, and you may even be harboring a little shame or regret for your interest. Don’t! Instead, you should realize that BDSM dungeon play is becoming ever more popular, safer, and more acceptable as organizations strive to provide safe dungeon environments and membership clubs.

Google is useful for a lot of things. Yet when it comes to searching for sexual interests and platforms, you may get more from a website like www.fetlife.com. This will help you connect with like-minded individuals to find local dungeons that are deemed safe and conspicuous.

The first thing to expect as you visit a BDSM dungeon is a little bit of anxiety on your part. If you have never been before, then certainly you will be nervous and insanely excited. You might want to contact the organization director and ask for a copy of their rules and regulations first. This will help to put you at ease and most BDSM dungeons have these rules to ensure the safety of all their members. Many of the larger and more organized dungeons also give new members orientation tours so that they know what to expect at the first party. The Dungeon master, hosts and monitors working for the organization will likely be more than happy to answer any of your questions, so don’t be afraid to talk candidly with them.

If your BDSM party is located outside of someone’s home, chances are you may see swings, spanking benches, crosses, and tables. For obvious reasons, you will be responsible for gathering your own little bag of goodies. The dungeon master can be a great source in helping you to get started on collecting items that you enjoy. You can also easily find and purchase items online.

Most clubs and organizations require a great deal of discretion on the outside, which means you will be required to dress appropriately until you are inside. The dungeon set up normally has a holding area where people can get to know each other and enjoy snacks or drinks before entering the dungeon itself. This is a great place to acquaint yourself with other people, knowing full well that they have the same fetishes as you do. Like most clubs or organizations, reputable dungeons also have fees. The fees normally vary depending on whether you are a man, woman or couple and depending on what your sexual desires in the dungeon may be. Fet-Life encourages people to offer their volunteering services to dungeons if they are unable to foot the bill for membership or event fees.

Speaking of events, BDSM dungeons have tons of them. In an effort to appeal to all people with varied fetishes, they will likely have many different themed parties going on in a month’s time. Before you decide explicitly for or against one of these events, get to know some of the other members so you understand the fetishes being offered. Remember to keep an open mind as well knowing that you will see all sorts of people, from all walks of life once inside the dungeon. The people there will also be dressed in a wide array of outfits and may or may not fit into your idea of the perfect body. The general rule of thinking in a BDSM is not tolerance, but acceptance and openness.

One of the nice benefits to joining a BDSM community is that you can learn a tremendous amount about what is available to you locally and otherwise. Many of these groups offer workshops and classes to help you get the most from your BDSM experience or even create a play space of your own at home. Your first experience with a BDSM dungeon should be safe and most importantly resonate with your tastes and fetishes. You will find that the people at this play spaces will be eager and willing to help you feel comfortable.

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I am a member of OkCupid.com, a very open and liberal dating site that I enjoy very much. I got a contact from a kinky guy who was coming to my city for the summer, and did I want to meet up? From his profile, I thought, no way, no way at all. Physically he wasn’t my type, and he seemed to be all about pain. He is a “top” or dominant, which is fine, but he just sounded kind of scary, so I ignored the mail.

He continued pursing me via email, and when he was already in town, he wrote one more time just suggesting we have a coffee so I could give him some ideas of cool places to visit. I agreed. However, I came up with an escape plan, should I not feel comfortable with him. I came dressed to go to a new club that was opening that night, and would make my excuses early and leave if I wished.

Well, he turned out to be amazingly nice! Unlike his profile, he was warm and funny, and more attractive than his photos. We got along really well, and I found myself inviting him to the club opening with me. We had a wonderful time, and there was no hint of pressure or dominance about him. We just enjoyed each other thoroughly.

So, we kept going out, and the topic of his kinkiness did come up. He was a real expert, having spent years as a leader in the scene in his hometown. I liked him so much and he seemed genuinely interested in not going over my limits (pain being one of them). I am not personally interested in pain, and he seemed to completely respect that. I decided to give it a try.

At first, when we were making out, he just started whispering in my ear what he wanted me to do. That was cool and a great way to begin. I had no problems with his requests, since they were mostly about taking off his clothes and touching him in certain ways. Then it was my clothes that came off. After I got used to that dynamic, he brought out his toy bag. In there he had a steel quill, which he used to draw little designs on my shoulders, which he kissed each time he finished. It didn’t break the skin at all, just left little red lines in the shape of the flowers he had drawn, which showed up for a few hours later. That was cool.

Later, he told me to find some silky ropes that he would pay for. There are websites that sell these kinds of things, and I quickly found some soft violet ropes. He is an expert in Shibari, or Japanese rope bondage, which appealed to me. I never realized there was so much to BDSM that doesn’t involve pain. Anyway, he started out slowly, tying up only the upper half or lower half of my body, and then having his way with me. Frankly, I think what turned me on most of all was how turned on HE got by tying me up! I also liked feeling helpless while he did what he wanted. I think many women enjoy that sensation; maybe a lot of men do too.

During our final “scene” together, he tied up my whole body, which was quite a sensation. It took a very long time, because Shibari is meticulously put together, one knot at a time. The time and anticipation is really a big part of the thrill. I was sad to see him have to leave and return to his hometown at the end of the summer, half a world away.

After each scene we did, we’d spend some time talking about how we felt, if my limits were expanding, anything new I noticed or wanted to try. I think this kind of communication is critical to success in a relationship such as this. The other key was his experience and talent. This guy knew exactly what he was doing, which made me feel very safe. I’m not sure I would enjoy it as much with someone totally new to it, but I’m not sure. I haven’t had any further experiences yet, mainly because I haven’t had the time to invest in finding someone so experienced and compatible with me.

I do know that I am a more open and confident person because of these kinky experiences. In fact, I feel like I touched a side of myself that has been repressed all my life, and it was very nice to set that part of me free. I do recommend people try it, but not hastily and not with just anyone. It’s important to spend time learning about the possibilities (the web is full of information!) and discussing your interests with your partner. You always have to feel safe and in control. Being kinky is not about being forced to do anything: it is entirely consensual. If that foundation is in place, it can be a really mind-blowing experience.

Want to give bondage a try?

BDSM Gear @ Stockroom
Kinky Bondage Toys @ Adam & Eve
Bondage & Fetish @ Eden Fantasys
Bondage and BDSM @ Love Honey
Fetish @ Wild Secrets

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