As couples become “comfortable” with each other & their relationship the time for romance, love & sex seems to dwindle away into the routine of everyday life. This is usually the beginning of sexual & relationship problems. Daily life seems to swallow up any time for “Amore”. One way to combat this all too common problem is to set aside times for each other, basically setting up dates with your lover. Re-sparking the fire & passion of your first days together can be something as simple as an evening alone doing something you both enjoy or just doing nothing at all except being alone together. All other plans should be set aside & each of you must block out the rest of the world. This is your time & nothing else in the world should matter except each other.
Traps to Avoid
One of the biggest downfalls that can occur from setting up dates is the old “once a week, same night” trap. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say, “oh it’s Friday, I’m going to get laid”. Setting up a certain night of the week as your date night should not become routine! That is exactly what we’re trying to avoid here! Pick your evenings, or days, around your weeks activities & try to mix them up. Plan different activities for these dates ranging from a night out on the town to a candle lit evening at home. Don’t feel pressured to spend all sorts of money on these evening, keep them simple & concentrate on each other. Do not use these evenings for discussion about the kids, bills or other day to day problems. You must both learn to let go of your life’s “other” activities & enjoy each others company again. Try to remember when you were dating each other, how nothing else mattered when you were with your lover. Engross yourself in them & the closeness that you have at that very moment. Allow each other to pick the dates activity & make sure to mix them up!
Surprise Each Other
One of the best ways to kick start this whole process into high gear is the surprise date. Plan out an evening, making sure your lover is able & willing. Take care of setting reservations, getting a baby sitter & a meal without your lovers knowledge. Nothing is more romantic than telling your lover you’ve got a special evening planned & following through on it. If finances permit, make it an evening away from the house with a hotel room booked. Getting away from everything familiar can have a profound effect on both of you & can essentially become a “mini-vacation”. Once these dates have become a part of your life you will wonder how you ever lived without them. You will look forward to them throughout the week. They will not only become a tool to help spark the fire of romance, but a great stress release time.
Quality Time & Then Some
At this point I can hear a lot of people saying, “OK, what do we do & talk about?” A completely understandable question because most people have become so tuned to their day-to-day life they have forgotten how to let go. These dates are a wonderful time to work on your communication skills. The whole evening doesn’t have to be about sex, but part of it can be used to discuss all the topics you read about in the communication section of this site.
Most people will drop many of their inhibitions & open up on these romantic getaways. Removing the pressures of the world for an evening seems to have a wonderful effect on a persons ability to communicate. One of our favorite discussions on these quiet evenings is just talking about the old times when we were dating. We tend to lock ourselves in the bedroom, after the kid has gone to bed, with a bottle of wine & just talk. Hours will pass before you realize it! As you pass away the time talking, laughing & just being alone a warm closeness will overcome the both of you.
“Pick a Date”
Even with the best intentions and years of practice dates can become the “same old same old” We have invented little game though that can really stir things up and get them back on track sexually. Sit down with your partner and write down the different things you like to do sexually. Both of you can add your personal favorites along with ones you enjoy together. Once you have your whole list done get a pack of post-its or index cards. Write each one down on a separate card, fold them in half and put them in a bag or box. When the time comes to decide the evenings sexual activities one of you reaches into the bag and pulls out one card. That is your evening activity! This can be a lot of fun and sometimes throws a surprise or two into the mix, adding a touch of spontaneity back into your dates.
For those of you who may feel you don’t have the creativity for this little game of ours never fear. There are quite a few of these romantic games for lovers ready to buy. One of our favorites is 52 Weeks of Naughty Nights. This very inexpensive game is just loaded with new adventures, suggestions for your date and romantic coupons you can give your lover. Another very popular game is Sexplay The Game. This game includes a game board that consists of 6 spinners that offer innumerable provocative sexual scenarios that are action packed, playful and unpredictable! It’s a great way to spend an evening exploring things you may not have thought of yourselves!
No matter how you plan them, whether on your own or with a purchased game take the time to make sure your dates don’t become the old humdrum. A steady diet of romantic evenings with your lover can re-spark a so so love life and push a good sex life over the edge to amazing passion.