I was recently out with a friend for the day to go to a computer show. On the way home the subject of sex came up, I'm not quite sure how but I think I made a comment about having a quiet evening, a few drinks & a romp in the bedroom with my wife. Being a very close friend he knows myself & my wife quite well & knows we enjoy a, well how shall I say this, robust sex life. He replied to my comment about the evening by saying "Dude, you've got one strange marriage!"

I looked at him & asked what the heck he was talking about. He proceeded to explain that none of his married friends, or anyone he knew for that fact got along with his wife like I did & none of them got laid as much as I did! He then proceeded to tell me that what my wife & I had wasn't normal. He said that almost everyone he knew who was married was lucky if they got laid once a month. I tried to explain how we got to the point we are at & the fact that our marriage wasn't always like this, it took a lot of time, work & effort on both our parts but it is worth every ounce of energy we put into it.

Then Last night we went out with another couple we met who's marriage is as close to ours as I've ever seen. For the sake of this article let's call them Mick & Lorin. They are madly "in love" with each other, even after many years of marriage. You could see it in everything they did. Total respect, total honesty & total devotion to each other. It was like watching a master's symphony performed by one of the best orchestras in the world, it just moved you.

As the conversation moved to our marriages the subject of how we did it came up & of course I did my whole speech about what we went through & what we've done to get to this point. They like us had been through the same thing learning one step at a time how to be each others best friends, companions & lovers. They are there to support each other when it is needed & can tell each other anything. We laughed about our friends & the fact that they just don't get it but the truth is that it's very sad. So once again I'm going to hammer this into my reader's head, if I get through to one couple out there & they can experience 1/2 the joy we've had in our marriage then I'm happy. Maybe I've got way to much John Lennon in me but I really believe that all the world needs is love!

Two main topics kept coming up in our conversation with Mick & Lorin, Communication & Total Honesty. Lorin looked at me during the conversation & said, very sincerely I might ad, I know I can tell him anything. Now that's something 99% of the couples out there can't even pretend to have! Like them my wife & I have broken through this barrier. Now I'm not saying this is easy because it's one of the most difficult things you'll ever do but it also has the greatest rewards to your marriage. Men will probably have the most problem with this. That dreaded "Macho" barrier bullshit has got to be broken.

Men have to be able to admit (first to themselves) that they have needs, wants & desires to be a complete person. I think what a lot of men fear from this is that they will be perceived as effeminate or less than the stereotypical Stud. Come on guys, wake up & smell the 21st century, even Tony Soprano sees a shrink & cries. Remember that famous saying "No Man is an island unto himself" & think about what that means. Can you handle all of life & it's wonderful little swings without the support of your wife or lover? I didn't think so! So why shouldn't you be able to talk to her about what's bothering you or what you really feel inside.

Ladies, don't think this is a one sided sermon, I haven't forgotten you. Why is it that you will tell your best friend everything that's going on in your life but not your man? If you could see inside his head for one minute & understand the pressure society puts on him to be supporter & the pillar of strength you might start to understand. Talking to him about your feelings & listening to his feelings lets him know that no matter what happens out there in that cruel world you will always be there for him & he for you. Isn't that what it's all supposed to be about?

Lets face it, it's tough to survive out there today but knowing you are never alone in your fight can help anyone cope. If you want your marriage to work at it's fullest potential you have to communicate, period! On an even deeper level you have to take your marriage to the point where you can honestly say anything to your mate, no matter how painful it is to you to admit. Open up & bring them into your soul....the fears are short term, the rewards are eternal!

The other big thing we discussed with Mick & Lorin was the fact of how many couples can't, or won't communicate their sexual needs. They like us had story after story about friends who just don't get the fact that if you don't know what your lover wants, or is curious about in bed you will never have a great sex life. They tell their friends "Oh she won't do this or he never did that. NO Shit Sherlock, if you don't talk about it how the heck are either of you supposed to be able to figure it out! Keeping your desires, wants or fantasies to yourself isn't helping either of you have a better sex life & probably isn't helping your marriage either.

And don't even give me that crap about being embarrassed to say what you want. Once again, wake up & smell the century! For god's sake it's just sex. You're not admitting to being a criminal, you're just telling your lover what makes you feel good & will probably make them feel good too! It never ceases to amaze me that people who live together day in & out, share bathrooms, beds & just about everything else can't discuss sex with each other. You'll both do it but the minute it's over you act like it never happened. STOP! STOP! STOP! It's a completely natural thing that all creatures on earth do (yes, we are creatures of this earth. Let's not start that debate).

If you've been brainwashed by your parents, church or whatever that sex is only for procreation & shouldn't be enjoyed then I suggest you find a good shrink because that's not what humans are all about. Those are rules that someone put down on paper to make people feel ashamed of one of the most beautiful things people can experience together. That's their hang up & don't let anyone impose their hang-ups on you.

The one cold hard fact that every couple must learn is that if you don't discuss your sex life with each other it's just not going to get any better. Throw out the crap you were taught & all the rules society imposes on you & do something for yourself for a change & for your lover, communicate! Tell them what makes you feel great & what you would like to try, chances are they are going to be so excited about the fact that you're discussing it that the discussions themselves will lead to some of the best sex you've had in years & if that's bad, well, I don't want to be good!

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