Loss of libido in men is not something that is often talked about — by either sex. While a woman feigning a headache to avoid having sex is accepted by all as the “norm,” a man making excuses to avoid love-making is something that contradicts all we’ve been led to believe about men and sex. So much so that men often feel ashamed to admit to low sexual desire. However, it’s estimated that about 16 percent of adult males in the US are affected by loss of libido.

While losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence in men as it is in women, it makes men unhappier about the rest of their lives than it does women: as little as 23 percent of men with loss of libido say they are still very happy about life in general compared to 46 percent of women suffering from the same problem, according to Edward Laumann, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago and co-author of The Sexual Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States.

Loss of libido doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process that’s not easy to define. How often you and your partner have sex isn’t the best indicator either, as many circumstances can prevent you making love even if the desire is there. But if you are in a committed relationship and have sex less than about once a week, which is considered average, your sexual desire may be on the wane. Other early warning signs that you may be suffering from loss of libido include: touching is confined to the bedroom only; you no longer look forward to having sex; sex is mechanical and routine; you very rarely, if at all, have sexual thoughts about your partner.

There are a number of causes of loss of libido in men ranging from the physical to the psychological, including impotence (or erectile dysfunction); low testosterone levels; anxiety about sexual performance; stress; medical conditions such as cancer and depression; use of medications such as tranquilizers and drugs used to treat blood pressure; use of illegal substances such as heroin, cocaine, and marijuana.

The quality of a man’s relationship with his partner can also affect his sexual desire. Problems with sex in a relationship can sometimes signal other problems between a couple which if not addressed and allowed to spill over into the bedroom can have a negative effect on a couple’s sexual relationship.

Some new fathers lose interest in sex as they have problems seeing their partners as sexual beings after the birth of a baby. A man may find it difficult to feel the same sexual desire he once felt for his partner now that she is the mother of his child. Furthermore, if he is involved in the care of a baby and young children, exhaustion will sap his sex drive in much the same way it does a woman carrying out the same duties.

In trying to rekindle libido, remember that it’s not just about quantity, quality is important, too. If you look forward to sex, enjoy it, and are left feeling positive about your relationship after making love, those are all signs of a healthy libido. In addition:

•    Don’t expect every sexual encounter to be perfect. Laugh off those moments that don’t work out right with your partner.

•    Keep physically fit. Feeling good about your body can help build sexual confidence.

•    Don’t be embarrassed to explore sexual fantasies. Takes turns with your partner to talk about what turns you on.

•    Focus on the whole body and not just the genitals when making love. Concentrating on other erogenous zones can ease performance pressure and bring a new dimension to your love-making.

•    Take the opportunity to see your partner in a fresh light whenever you can: remember what first attracted you to her.

•    Overcome any resistance you may have to discuss the problem with your doctor. He or she will be able to rule out any medical conditions that may be responsible for your loss of libido.

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