S & M, BDSM, D/s, whatever you've heard it called before is a very complex & outreaching section of human sexuality that defies explanation on one page or an entire web site. We are currently looking for a writer to handle this very involved subject but in the mean time we encourage you to use the members forum that we have set up to it's fullest.

We are lucky to have somewhat of an expert on this lifestyle, Carter Stevens for a short introduction to this topic. Mr. Stevens is one of the foremost publishers & writers in the BDSM lifestyle & publisher of the S & M News, a monthly publication devoted to this area. You may also want to visit one of Carter's web sites, S & M News or his pay site, S & M News Live.

What is BDSM?

As a public figure, I am constantly bombarded by letters, e-mails and phone calls from people asking questions about the BDSM scene. There are a lot of people out there who think it is their right to have me drop everything to recommend a support group or a Pro dome in East Bum Fuck, Utah. Being a lovable person I try to help them out as much as I can. but many times the answer SHOULD be "look it up." However, there is one question that never fails to annoy me because I've spent 30 years trying to find the answer myself. The question (or perhaps I should say just, the quest) is simply put...What is BDSM? It sounds like a simple question but hundreds of people have written thousands of words about it and still there is no good answer.

So what is "B" "D" "S" "M"? In order to define BDSM we have to first agree on what BDSM stands for. After all, according to many sources at least 10% of the population have played with one or another aspect of BDSM and up to 50% of the population have some interest in it. If so many people are interested, why can't anyone define what they are interested in? Some people say it is a combination of B&D and S&M. Some add D/s to the middle and say it stands for BD DS SM. So, now we have to define 3 terms instead of one.

Let us start with B&D. B&D is rather universally agreed to stand for Bondage & Discipline OR Bondage & Dominance. D/s is Dominance & Submission. And last, but far from least, is S&M which stands for Sadism & Masochism or Slave & Master. (If I missed your favorite please do not write to tell me. I have enough dealing with 6 different definitions for one small 4 letter "word"). To make it even more interesting the ampersand (&) is often interchangeable with a slash (/) or dropped entirely to change S&M to S/m or just SM and then given a totally different definition such as SM = Sexual Magik.

The most commonly heard (and probably the oldest) is S&M. S&M gets it's primary definition from the famous Austrian psychiatrist R. Krafft-Ebing who, over a hundred years ago, named two mental aberrations after several famous authors the Marquis De Sade and von Sacher-Masoch. Krafft-Ebing was NOT talking about casual kinky sex play, he was talking about deep seated mental disease(s) which caused it's sufferers to be unable to function in a normal way in "polite" society. However, the general public, being either unable or unwilling to differentiate between someone who gets a sexual thrill from spanking a willing partner on the backside during sex play and a Ted Bundy like serial killer have over the last hundred years usually lumped all erotic power exchange sex play (more on that definition later) in with mental disease. To avoid the stigma attached to Sado/Masochism many "Scene" people have invented the Slave/Master definition for S/M. Since Erotic Power Play doesn't always (or even mostly) involve pain many people prefer B/D, as their erotic exchange of power often involves Bondage and Dominance (or discipline). To some however, bondage doesn't enter into erotic play at all (perhaps because they don't find it erotic?) so they subscribe to the D/s definition, pure dominance and submission. By combining many of these definitions and acronyms we come up with BDSM, which in modern day serves as a general label, but doesn't even touch on sexual fetishes (leather, rubber, et al). Confused yet?, don't worry, you will be by the time I get finished.

The problem is that sexual needs and channels of fulfillment for mankind are so diverse and morals are so segmented that what a single couple find to be sexually exciting and/or fulfilling might not be the same as any other couple on the face of the earth find it to be. So how can we define BDSM or even "Kinky" if everyone has a different, built in, definition? We can't really. What we can do is define a general all encompassing term that will give the average person some idea what we are talking about.

A "scene" friend of mine (although we have never met) in the Netherlands is a great champion of the term EPE (erotic power exchange) with the "ultimate" EPE being TPE ("total power exchange") which does work for many of the offshoots of BDSM but totally overlooks fetish play which may not involve any exchange of power at all. A very popular term that has grown up with the internet & is used by many members of the "BDSM Scene (or community)" is WIITWD. WIITWD is short for "What It Is That We Do." WIITWD is about as generic a term as one could ever use to try to tie together this broad spectrum of humanity as any. But, what about those NOT into the "scene"? WIITWD doesn't include them. But does it really matter what you call it? Remember the true definition of perversion is "Anything I wouldn't do!" so no matter what you call it, the 50 % of the population NOT interested in BDSM will still call it "sick". So, until something better comes along, I believe BDSM is as good a label as any to lump in all sorts of "kinky" (or as I call it "fun") sexual actions and orientations. Alright class, so what does BDSM stand for? You still have no idea? Glad I could be of help.

Carter Stevens

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