Possible breakthrough

[undersexed]

Last night I told my husband that I wanted us to go to marriage counseling. He seemed to be in total shock over this, despite the numerous times I've tried to talk to him about our sex life and his preoccupation with work. I guess he never thought it was that serious but to him marriage counseling is the next step before divorce. Now he sees how much this is affecting me and our marriage and wants to go away for the weekend to rekindle the flames. Keep your fingers crossed that we've finally got a chance to get back to the way things used to be.

[catlin]

Sounds like a good plan! Sometimes you know a 3rd party looking in can see more than the two that have the issues going on. Hope it all works out for the best.

[restless]

While you're on the weekend tryst, find a nice, comfortable time to revisit the subject of a visit to a counsellor. Whatever has brought you to this point will not be resolved by a weekend together - but it's a step in the right direction.

[Carrie]

Sometimes men just need a pseudo slap in the face to realize we are serious about something; you just have to be very clear and not mince words. Though I do think that counselling is a good idea if it is effecting your marriage strongly. No harm to be done in counselling!

[Lola]

Don't forget to take the smell goods. I agree that sometimes men need a wake up call. I have to agree, though, that while a weekend may work miracles for a while, it may not be the complete answer. Instead of revisiting the counseling idea at that time, I'd probably want to see if I can find out what's going on with him.

[needhelp]

While he's all relaxed (Saturday afternoon, perhaps?), I would try to discuss your feelings with him and try to get his feelings as well. See if you can't come up with some ideas to help on an ongoing basis...such as a date night or even a monthly weekender. Some sort of system where you can touch bases on a regular basis. Counseling may still be needed but you'll have to judge that by how the weekend goes. Good luck to you!

[slinky]

Best of luck indeed. I still think counseling may be needed but not as much or for the same reasons you initially though (after all he did decide to spend a weekend away). Having a professional help get through to the issues and form plans to prevent the same thing from happeneing again (afetr all its habit by now) will enforce the new direction of your marriage.

[undersexed]

I appreciate all the responses to my post. I agree that we may still need counseling and I fully intend to make that a part of our discussion. At this point, I'm not sure if we need it or not but I am considering it. My biggest concern is my husband. This job has not just affected our sex life but also the stress has been injurious to his health. He's now taking meds just to calm his stomach and his doctor said he is cruising for an ulcer if he keeps it up. I think he needs to find a different job for his own sake, as well as our marriage.

[SweetnSexy]

Originally Posted by needhelp

While he's all relaxed (Saturday afternoon, perhaps?), I would try to discuss your feelings with him and try to get his feelings as well. See if you can't come up with some ideas to help on an ongoing basis...such as a date night or even a monthly weekender. Some sort of system where you can touch bases on a regular basis. Counseling may still be needed but you'll have to judge that by how the weekend goes. Good luck to you!

Date nights are awesome. Sure, you'd love some spontaneity still and you don't want to feel obligated to even have sex on those 'date nights', so just try to work something out so you can spend time together in general. Baby steps will get you there. And I do think counseling could be a good idea, but if he's willing to work on it and really make a difference, then I wouldn't push it too much...he may've just needed this to snag his attention.

[Pickles]

I know this is a bit off the subject but are you familiar with meditation? Maybe you should get him a good meditation tape to help him relax. Diet is crucial as well. Make sure he's getting his B vitamins.