Over the past months we have had a multitude of emails from women asking the same question “How can I have an orgasm?”. We have also had many men write us to say they want to help the woman in their life reach this goal & some who wish to try to become multi-orgasmic. We thought long & hard about how to present this & finally decided the best method was to relate a real story, in her own words, from a woman who has made the long trek from no orgasm to multi-orgasmic. This article will actually be in two parts with the second half focusing on having multiple orgasms. We hope that this story will inspire women & their lovers to work together towards this sometimes very elusive goal & allow these women to achieve what we feel every woman should experience sexually.

From No Orgasm to Multi in No Easy Steps

My Past

I first became sexually active when I was 15 years old. I had no clue on what to expect, and truthfully I didn’t see the attraction that everyone boasted about. It felt nothing like what I thought. No rockets, no warm feelings, no orgasm, and no “popped cherry” (not everyone bleeds). For years I thought this was as good as it would get. I started having sex for the hell of it and never really truly enjoying it. Why then did I do it you might ask? It was more of a revolt for me, a way of letting out frustration. I never really even thought I would find that one man who might help me discover that sex was something wonderful. Being from a family that didn’t even mention sex I had nothing to base anything on, I didn’t even masturbate & truthfully didn’t understand why anyone would. I had somehow decided in my own mind that if a man couldn’t make me feel good I sure as hell couldn’t do it myself. I had given up on the idea of ever finding that man. I finally promised myself to never have sex with anyone ever again, it felt dirty and it also made me feel dirty and worthless.

Months later I was invited to a house warming party. At that party I ended up meeting the man that would become my husband & gave him a ride home that night, once again hoping for one thing but not expecting anything. Two months later I saw him again playing at a club near my house. That was the first time he kissed me & again I was in heaven. Eight weeks later we were engaged, and we got married one year to the date that we met.

Now remember I never enjoyed sex (before meeting him) but from the first time we where together he paid more attention to me then any man ever did, seeming to be concerned on whether I was enjoying myself. I had a lot of hang-ups I had given myself about sex, and the misinformation I was given as a child helped to create many inner walls that needed to be broken through. As I mentioned before, my family was not the type to openly discuss relationships or feelings, the word “sex” was never mentioned in my house.

I guess you could say my husband got more than he bargained for. Although sex was better with him & he did pay more attention to me than any other man had it still wasn’t anything like I had heard it could be. When he asked about my pleasure I told him not to worry about me, as long as he was happy. Fortunately for me (in the long run) that line only seemed to make him pay more attention to me & my needs. I guess you would have to know my husband to understand but he doesn’t like losing & refuses to give up on anything until there is absolutely no hope at all of winning. He tried to discuss sex & my feelings with me but soon realized our first wall to break down was openly discussing the topic. It took me a long time before I could tell him the way that I felt. All along he was patient & let me go at my own pace, slowly becoming more comfortable with talking. We eventually started talking intimately about our past experiences and he realized that at the age of 23 I never had an orgasm, either with a partner or by myself. He was horrified to realize I had come to the point that I didn’t believe I would ever have one and that I felt it wasn’t an important part of life. Through our talks he told me that he wanted me to experience and enjoy everything an adult woman could experience sexually & he also explained that it would take a lot of work (if you can call that work). Personally I thought it was more talk than anything but I was willing to try. I now realize that this was the first step to opening up my mind.

The Long Frustrating Road

As our discussions progressed we discussed masturbation a few times but I was hesitant about trying it. I had never masturbated or even thought of masturbating, the idea to me was disgusting. He insisted that I try (in private) & told me that until I got in touch with my own body & feelings I would never be able to progress. For our third anniversary he bought me a toy set to play with, either together or alone. I reluctantly agreed to try but even then held off masturbating by myself. For a few years nothing happened except for feelings that confused me in a way I could not explain, almost like hitting a wall. I would become excited but when I hit this wall I thought something was wrong & I wanted to stop right then. Slowly but surely my husband convinced me to try to break through this so called “wall”, to relax, let go & let whatever happened happen. We tried together & finally I started trying by myself. Nothing happened immediately & the frustration level only seemed to increase. Every time I got frustrated I wanted to just give up. Once again I had convinced myself that it just wasn’t going to happen. He coached me again, & told me to take charge of my body & not let it run me. He also told me something that may have been the key to my breakthrough. He told me to stop thinking about having the orgasm, enjoy the sensations & just keep going with it…..when it happens, it happens. Several months later I masturbated by myself one afternoon & had my first orgasm, the breakthrough had come, all by myself. I didn’t tell him right away, not being sure if that is indeed what had happened but later that evening I asked a question on that subject & the truth came out. Once again I was confused though because not only had I had an orgasm but I had also ejaculated during it. He assured me that for some women this is totally normal, but being the doubter that I am was concerned that there was something wrong. Eventually I did find out that this was normal for some women.

Free At Last

Even though I had had my first orgasm they took a LOT of work to accomplish. Once again we worked together, taking our time & progressed slowly to the point where I was usually having them every time we had sex. I should mention though that I didn’t & still don’t have them during intercourse without some other type of stimulation. After doing some research I found that this was quite common for most women. The next step was to try to increase the intensity of the orgasms I was having. I had always heard other women saying things like “the earth moved” or “I almost passed out” but at first it wasn’t like that. Sure it felt great but my husband thought they would get better & boy was he right! We started working towards having bigger & better orgasms. Mainly this involved a lot of oral sex on his part, using toys together & my masturbating on my own. It also involved me shutting off my mind, relaxing & letting the feelings come as they would. I had started the process of throwing out all the crap I had come to believe over the years about sex being dirty, or that “good girls don’t” & started enjoying my new found sexual life with my husband. That alone was the beginning of my sexual freedom & for the first time I felt I could have fun sexually either by myself or with my husband without feeling guilty about it. I must say that at about this point our sexual life together got 20 times better. The more I enjoyed myself the more he enjoyed it, we seemed to feed off of each others excitement & the level of passion began to grow & grow…….but the best was still to come.

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