When you are in a relationship that has evolved to sharing secrets and potential fantasies, you are entering a new chapter in your love (and sex) life. When your lover feels enough trust to tell you their fantasy, your response is critical.

Fantasies stem from anywhere in the mind, in their dreams and in all their past experiences. Maybe they had a lover that was always gentle and never very aggressive, and now they would like someone to "take charge", so to speak. Or maybe their previous lovers weren't very romantic, just "wham, bam, thank you and good night." Now they want a romantic setting, the one they've always dreamed of. Maybe it involves dressing up, or dressing in costume, or making love in a new place, or role playing.

Whatever they tell you, understand that it is a fantasy and just that. It doesn't mean that they are dissatisfied with your "regular" love-making or unhappy with your relationship. It means that they trust you enough to want to share with you some new adventures. Please see our Fantasy Talk Section for ideas & suggestions about discussing your fantasies. Be open, ask questions, and never judge your partner's fantasy. Discuss and set personal limits, like whether or not you are comfortable in fulfilling that specific fantasy, if not, pick one you mutually agree on.

What Exactly Is a Sex Fantasy?

When first posed with this question many vivid ideas come into my mind, but the fact is that a sexual fantasy can be almost anything to any one person. Sex fantasies, without getting overly philosophical here, are the inner desires & curiosities that almost everyone has at one time or another. They can be as tame as a romantic night on a secluded beach or as wild as an orgy. Almost every human on the planet will fantasize at one time or another either sexually or otherwise. It is similar to a child's secret play world or play friend. Most sexual fantasies allow the person to explore their inner desires while keeping the fantasy free from judgment & maintaining complete control over the situation. For these very reasons it is well recognized that not all sexual fantasies are meant to be fulfilled. Some will remain a hidden moment within us all.

The comment was once mentioned to me by someone that she had never had a sex fantasy, at least not to her knowledge. With further discussion & exploration it was later found that many fantasies had come & gone without this person even knowing they were indeed sex fantasies. On the other hand many have frequent fantasies & readily use them for such things as masturbation. Exploring each others fantasies, as we mentioned above, will indeed take a lot of trust & patience. Allowing each other to open up & reveal each other's inner selves & thoughts is truly a giant leap in any relationship & can result in a bond closer than you have ever known before. It must be a time of complete honesty & without ego, jealousy or prejudice. Demeaning someone's fantasies is a blow to them far worse than anything else in the world as it would be considered by most an attack on the very soul of the person.

Creating A Sexual Fantasy

Creating a successful fantasy requires a little bit of research and some work. Discuss your fantasy in as much detail as possible, so that the fantasy is as wonderful and fulfilling as it can be for you partner. Once you have all the details, set aside the day and time, making sure there are no interruptions. Rent a room, get a baby sitter, turn off the phone, the beeper and the cell. The world can live without you for a few hours (or hopefully longer).

Sometimes, all you'll need are some bubbles for a sensuous bath, other times you'll need the help of some props and toys. Make sure you have all the right things on hand for a night of pleasure. Shop for lingerie or leather, feathers, or rubber, whatever is required, and plan carefully. You don't want to be right in the middle of a great sexual moment, only to find you've forgotten the key element in the fantasy.........Yikes!

Sometimes creating a great sexual fantasy may take some serious time and research. Finding the right clothing, toys, or any other requirements may take searching out local shops or ordering online. To make the realization of a fantasy as great as the fantasy itself everything should be perfect. Sometimes knowing exactly what to do and how may even take some research. Some of this can also be found online and sometimes you may find some "hints" in a good porn movie. One word of warning though, don't believe everything you see in a porn movie. All too often half of what you see is about as fake as it can be. Use common sense when researching information on a sexual fantasy.

Fulfilling Sex Fantasies

Just as there are many different people, there will be different fantasies. We must ask you to use caution when choosing to fulfill a fantasy with your lover that may be a little outside the norm of romance or private goings on between two people. If your fantasy requires more than just the two of you, or involves something risky, please discuss the potential harm it could cause to your relationship. Please remember to discuss everything in advance. Don't just bring in a third person without telling your lover it's going to happen or put your lover into bondage and start dripping hot wax on them without their consent. Major bad move.

The idea is to enhance your relationship and your sex life, not kill them both in one shot. Trust is the most important element in fantasy play, and in your relationship. Guard it, and respect it....then anything is possible. Communicate, plan and enjoy!

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