Have Better Sex » Tim

Voyeurism – Do You Like To Watch?

Tim — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 00:05:15 +0000

Every human is a voyeur to some extent. TV, Movies, anything, & it seems the more sensual, or sexual it is, the more people love to watch it.

Voyeurism is & can be a useful & arousing tool for any & all lovers. Whether it’s watching an erotic movie or just watching each other perform (see our Exhibitionism Article) can stimulate your sex beyond today’s limits.

Visually Speaking

For years men, almost always more than women, were considered visually excitable creatures. They can be aroused by porn, a good looking woman in a bikini or just a glimpse of a sexy outfit on a rack. Just recently we have seen a new trend in this thought though as women begin to discover the benefits of these visual aphrodisiacs.

More & more the “adult” video industry is gearing movies towards a more mixed audience. My God they are even starting to write story lines (what a concept). Many female producers have emerged with X-rated videos made just for the female, or couple audience. Try watching some of these videos together. We are not saying they are for everyone, but hey, if you get the right one you never know. We actually like to use them once & a while as a back drop to a fun evening of foreplay & sex even taking time to make pot shots at the bad ones or looking for ideas.

Men, if you want your lady to watch one of these with you, do yourself a BIG favor & try to find one that has some quality to it.

Performing For Each Others Pleasure

We are crossing over into the Exhibitionism article just a bit here, but I think it is necessary to round out this section. As we explained in the other section putting on a sensual or sexual show for your mate can fuel the fires while quenching the voyeur palette. Some of our most enjoyable evenings have been with one of us lying back & masturbating for the other, sending ourselves to heaven while the other watches. This can be very intimidating at first & does require a massive amount of trust for each other.

Start off slowly if you have never done this before & let the trust build gradually. Before you know it there isn’t much you won’t be able to do in front of each other. As the person watching the show sees you becoming more & more excited, they themselves will begin to writhe in passion. The fever will build to a point where they will usually jump on you because they can’t stand anymore.

Costumes & toys can also enhance these sessions reach the peaks you are looking for. Trust is the key. Next to communication it is vital to everything we have written on this site. Breaking down each others psychological walls brings you closer together & opens up the world of sexual bliss & contentment. This exercise in both voyeurism & exhibitionism can be a vital tool in reaching the apex of your sexual life together.

Accepting The Voyeur In All Of Us

Another part of voyeurism is everyday people watching. I have one question here for every couple out there. Why is it when a couple gets together it becomes a mortal sin to look at anyone of the opposite sex? Have our hearts stopped beating? Are we supposed to automatically forget to appreciate beauty & people that are attractive? I DON’T THINK SO! I told my wife a long time ago that the day I stop looking is the day they nail the casket closed. We have since learned to accept each others opinion of the opposite sex & will even discuss what we like & don’t like about a person’s looks.

It really shouldn’t be that harmful to anyones ego. Your mate is not looking because they want to dump you & chase them. It’s only natural to look. The only thing we feel one partner should NEVER do is drool over someone. This is just crude & very inconsiderate & men, stop with the macho crap about other good looking men. Hey, it’s all right to admit to that Robert Redford is a good looking guy…..it’s not going to diminish you as a man & will show your lady you have progressed past the “average” man.

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Leather – Something About That Bad Boy/Girl Image

Tim — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:33:43 +0000

There is something inherently wicked about leather. It conjures up visions of Marlon Brando & the wild one, bikers & Dominatrix & it may just be the thing to spice up a dull sex life. I remember hearing a joke many years ago about a man who always wore leather undies. I don’t remember the whole thing so I won’t bore you with the details, all I remember is laughing & wondering what the hell kind of person wore leather undies?

My answer to this question came many, many years later when my wife & I bought her first leather outfit. Our first time in bed with this outfit on was the awakening I had been searching for all these years. The softness yet very sturdy feel of the leather, along with the wicked look of my lover encased in black leather was, to say the least, a moving experience. Within weeks we had purchased another outfit & a leather thong for me. To think, for all those years I had been missing out on this!

It’s Not Just a Fetish Anymore

Had we not tried this once we would have probably would have missed out on one of the most erotic feelings clothing can have. Not only is the feeling totally unique but a person seems to take on a new personality once clad in this garb.

Leather seems to evoke sense of power & control over the situation. A more aggressive nature seems to appear out of nowhere, as if a hidden personality has come to the surface. Whether your thing is the power trip, or just something completely different the feeling of leather against your warm skin is an experience you must try at least once. It is very hard to describe, being slick & soft, cold & warm at the same time. Of course this is if you buy quality leather, which brings me to my next point……good leather is very expensive.

We tried the bargain priced items & trust me, this is definitely one of those times you get what you pay for. Most of the cheaper items we found are made of patent leather or vinyl & just don’t hold up to the wear & tear. A good corset with panties will cost you anywhere from $75 & up. Boots are absolutely out of this world to finish off any ensemble but you will pay dearly for them & the taller you want them the crazier they get. If you have the money & really want to set up either a role play situation or just try out some leather we have found some of the best companies out there.

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Outdoor Sex – How Daring Are You?

Tim — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 20:01:04 +0000

Many lovers attempt top push the envelope & increase the level of excitement by having sex in what most people would consider dangerous places. The level of excitement is increased in direct proportion to the risk of being caught in the act. Places such as public parks, elevators, public restrooms & let us not forget the infamous mile-high club for those who have had sex in airplanes. This practice can be very stimulating but is not for the weak of heart nor the nervous type.

Couples must also consider the consequences of being caught in, at best, a very embarrassing situation & in the worst case scenario a potentially illegal act. Don’t get me wrong here, I’ve pulled my share of dangerous interludes in my life & have probably broken the lewd behavior laws in almost every state I’ve ever been in, all I’m saying is that you should seriously weight the consequences, & your local laws, prior to adventuring out into the world to have dangerous sex. Great sex is one thing but having your name plastered in the local papers or having to stand in front of a judge and explain what you were doing and why could devastate more than your lives.

Some Of Our Favorites!

Outdoor sex, for some reason can be very invigorating. I’m not sure if it is the danger or just the fact of really “getting back to nature” that does it to you, but it definitely adds some zing to the sex. There is also a very romantic twist to having sex under a moonlit sky that seems to affect almost anyone. Depending on where you live your own backyard or deck may be the best place to start. If you are one of the many apartment or condo dwellers the balcony will suffice. We would suggest a dark night for those of you just getting into this & make sure the nosey neighbor is asleep! As your interest increases & your boldness grows try a brilliant moonlit night. When you’ve really gotten into it you just may want to try broad daylight..if you dare.

Sex at the beach, ah what a romantic setting. Waves crashing around your feet, the rhythm of the ocean cheering you on & a cool ocean breeze running across your skin. Yikes, I should be writing romance novels! All kidding aside, sex at the beach can be an incredibly romantic & sexy event. It stirs the romantic up in all of us & is highly recommended by all of us. Finding a deserted place may not be so easy but if you look hard enough you’ll eventually find just what your looking for. Our favorite spots include some of the nude beaches that dot the coastlines. One of our funniest stories was the time a small plane circled over the beach the entire time we had sex. Hey we were too into it to stop for anyone so we hope they enjoyed the show!

For a real charge try it during the day…..yes I said during the day. This definitely is not to be tried at the local tourist beach in mid-July but it can be done. I’ll give you a little hint, there is a great nudist beach in Florida that literally has miles of private, very secluded beaches that work really well for this idea. Think about it while planning your next vacation.

For those of you who don’t have a nude beach close by might we suggest some “underwater activities”. Swimming with your lover to a spot where no one can see could just allow you the time needed for a great time. The constant motion of the waves and buoyancy really help things out too!

For those of you that live in the big city & need an outdoor outlet, I’ve got a story from an old friend of mine from New York. It seems he used to pay the super of his high rise apartment a few bucks extra every month for the keys to the roof. He & his wife made regular visits to their private “tar beach” for late evening interludes. Being surrounded by even taller buildings made these events a little more exciting to them, although to my knowledge they never got caught. He even told me they did it one time in broad daylight during business hours. Now that’s what I call a lunch break.

Let Your Imagination Go!

Finding great sex spots, whether dangerous or not can really get the old pulse racing. All you really need is a little imagination & a whole lot of guts. Start off simple & work your way up, judging the danger as you go. Just do me one favor if you get caught, don’t tell the judge I said it was ok!

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Controlling Male Orgasm With Masturbation

Tim — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 11:34:02 +0000

One of the most common questions asked by men is, “How can I last longer during sex?” We really aren’t even talking about premature ejaculation here, just wanting to last longer so they can satisfy their lover. Every man wants to be the everlasting lover who brings a woman to orgasm time after time before he does. This is probably one of the most difficult things for a man to control & most women don’t realize that it is something that bothers us.

Using your masturbation sessions to attempt to gain control of your penis is the best way to start. Although these techniques will not work for everyone we recommend you try them if you wish to attempt to tame the savage beast (so to speak).

Learning When to Say WHOA!!

Gaining control of your orgasm should begin with learning the warning signs & levels of excitement. Every man has a “point of no return” during sex at which time nothing in the world is going to stop him from having an orgasm and ejaculating. What you must attempt to do is find this point & work your way back. Once you have established that point you must pay attention to the feelings just prior to it. This will take some time & many sessions to find so don’t get discouraged.

Once you have begun to discover the different levels of excitement you can attempt to use them. Try to find that moment & the feelings just before that point of no return. Focus on that & make sure it happens every time you are about to ejaculate. When you think you’ve got that feeling down to a science try tightening the up your muscles just as you would when you stop urinating. Just think of having someone walk in to the bathroom on you…… that’ll do the trick. Tighten these muscles just as you are hitting that no return point. This of course will take time & practice & learning to control the muscle which is used here. Practice, practice, practice!

As the muscle gets stronger you will be able to hold back the orgasm, or at least the ejaculation. I learned this method from a book that I highly recommend. It is “How to make love to a woman all night” by Barbara Kigali, Ph.D. This book is available through almost all of the web based books stores for $7 – $10 & should be found in most good local bookstores. Although I have had only limited success with her method, it has given me a little more control over my orgasms & let’s face it, every little bit helps. Ms. Keesling also claims that a man is capable of having multiple orgasms without ejaculating & intensifying the male orgasm. I haven’t been able to achieve these things but I have to admit I haven’t been practicing like I should (this site sucks up a lot of time…ya know?)

Another method I have had luck with is the stopping theory. When using this with your partner it is always a good idea to let them know you are doing this to allow you to last longer. I will admit this one is a bit of a juggling act but it does work for me. Once again it all revolves around knowing the feelings leading up to the point of no return. This can also be practiced through masturbation.

When I am at that point I just stop & wait a few seconds until the feeling has passed. I then begin again & when the feeling comes back again I pause again. Usually after 3 or 4 stops something happens & the feelings subside completely almost as if I had desensitized myself. When this happens I usually can then go for a good while before orgasm & have on a few occasions been able to have intercourse for almost an hour before finally reaching an orgasm. One trick to this, when using it during intercourse, is to make sure everything stops for those few seconds. On many occasions my wife has moved once to often & it was all over. As I mentioned before let your partner know what you are doing before you start this. I don’t believe there is a woman alive that would fault you for trying this & most would be more than happy to help!

The whole idea here is to use your normal masturbation sessions as a tool to make yourself last longer during intercourse. Most men tend to only think about having an orgasm when they masturbate, usually the quicker the better. Because of this type thinking it can be difficult for some men to “reverse course” and start allowing themselves to slow the orgasm process down.

One other thing I should point out when trying this is to look at how you masturbate. Men who masturbate with their hand may find intercourse too sensual to apply the techniques. Let’s face it, there’s no way to make your hand feel like a woman’s vagina. For this reason you may want to buy one of the new masturbators that are on the market today. Many of these come fairly close to the feeling of a vagina. I particularly enjoy the Senso Lips toy. it is easy to use and has an amazing lifelike feel to it.

Using one of these to masturbate may help further control your orgasm when you are with a partner. If you aren’t ready to buy a masturbation toy I would suggest using some form of hand lotion or other lubricant to masturbate with. The closer you can get your masturbation to the feeling of intercourse the better your chances of using your control techniques with your partner.

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Cheating vs. Swinging (What’s the Diff you ask)

Tim — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 23:15:41 +0000

While doing our weekly browse though the personal ads to weed out the vermin we decided to actually see how many of the “singles” listed were married or wouldn’t give their relationship status (as far as we are concerned they are married & just don’t want to admit it!). Now we aren’t naive at all but we were astonished to see how many there were.

Do people understand the pain they cause to their mates when they cheat? Even more so do they understand the levels of pain they create by cheating. Obviously they don’t or the statistics on this relational virus wouldn’t be as high as they are. Personally I don’t get why this happens as much as it does especially in these liberal days of swinging, swapping, fetishes & other sexual diversions. This site has never, nor will we ever advocate a certain lifestyle as being better than any other, we actually created this site to celebrate the diversity of these lifestyles, but there is one thing we just can’t tolerate & that is someone cheating on their mate.

The Real Pain of Cheating

During one of the many discussions I’ve had with my wife the topic of cheating came up. I explained to her that in my opinion the sex involved in cheating isn’t one tenth as harmful as is the betrayal the person being cheated on feels. I also told her about a former girlfriend who I lived with for many years and an incident that involved her cheating on me to get back at me for something or another. The weird part of the story was the fact that when she told me what had happened I forgave her & we moved on with the relationship. Why you ask? For several reasons, most of all because she didn’t do it for any other reason except she was mad (& drunk). I know it sounds strange and no, what she did wasn’t anywhere near right but to me it was a stupid decision on her part that she deeply regretted and she didn’t betray the emotional part of what we had.

That brings me to what I consider the worst part of cheating….the emotional cheat. Let me explain. In my opinion a person having even so much as an email emotional relationship with another is far worse than any one night stand that could ever happen. To live with someone day in, day out…tell them you love them and then go out to another & tell them the same things is just the lowest thing any human could do to another. It’s funny, every time you see a movie where someone has cheated the first thing the other usually says is “Do you love them?”. This is actually probably very accurate because most people feel that to be the ultimate betrayal & I am one of them. Please don’t misread my words, I am in no way condoning the one night cheaters nor will I ever validate what many people are trying to do every day but I also don’t know their specific situation so I have no right to pass judgment on them.

Why do People Cheat?

I think I’ve heard every excuse imaginable when it comes to cheating & honestly some of them make a lot of sense. The biggest mistake I’ve seen is women who use sex as a bargaining chip in their relationship. If the guy screws up they are cut off. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG….Withholding sex to attempt to punish your mate will not only make them go elsewhere but it is probably the fastest way to push them there. The other one I don’t understand is one party who screws like a rabbit when they are dating & then just stop after they are married? Can’t this be considered false advertising?

This relates perfectly to our article on Setting the Mood when we talked about people who forget about the way they look after they are married. It makes no sense to me why this happens, but it does. Lastly (for this articles sake) there are those who, for one reason or another, don’t get the emotional support they need. This is probably the most severe reason to cheat but even this can be solved by either communication, counseling or when all else fails divorce. Why bother cheating, what’s the point & what will it do for this relationship? Simple answer kids, it will do nothing but make it worse than it is now!

Is the Grass Greener on the Other Side?

Love, marriage and relationships are supposed to be about trust in each other & the joy that comes with sharing your life with your mate….basically you are supposed to grow along with each other. Obviously swinging isn’t for everyone but for those who have found the ultimate trust in each other it can be a wonderful sexual adventure to share together. Key word there is share, as in the two of you together.

Throughout the past several years we have met & talked to quite a few of these sexual adventurers & have noticed an amazing trend within the lifestyle. First & foremost they accept each other for who they are & not for someone they are pretending to be. Secondly they tend to be fiercely loyal to their mate & completely honest & open with them. They also tend to have a respect for each other & anyone who is genuinely into the lifestyle unlike anything we have ever seen.

Have they found the answer to the age old question on how to have a happy marriage? For the right people yes they have. Is it for everyone? NO WAY. First of all it will not cure a broken marriage, if your having problems now don’t even think about getting involved until, & only until, your marriage is rock solid. But if you are both curious about one thing or another (sexually that is) it just might be the way to go.

So What is the Difference Between the Two?

The main difference between cheating & swinging is that there is an emotional bond between the couple that swings that is supportive of each others emotions as well as their sexual desires. Plain & simple these couples are not involved in this because they are lacking in their personal sex life, on the contrary they want each other to experience everything they might desire sexually. These couples rejoice in their love for each other & the fact that they are exploring together! They both know that when the evening is over they are going home together & that the love they have for each other isn’t effected in any way by a purely physical thing. They also know & respect each others boundaries in every way & are willing to work together to help each other work towards their sexual goals, once again together.

So What’s the Answer to the Question

Plain & simple the difference is emotional. Whether you swing or just explore together sexually you are doing it as a couple, as an emotional pair, not as an individual betraying your lover. You can choose two paths in your life together with your mate, one that nurtures each others needs or one that ignores these same needs. For those whose relationship is solid yet you feel the call to explore, look into the swinging lifestyle. I personally think you will will be amazed at how great most of the people involved really are. For those of you that feel the need to cheat try looking at what is really wrong with your relationship. If it’s just sex try exploring with your lover & learn to revel in both the exploration & the adventure you take as a couple. Learn to respect each other’s needs & desires. Don’t judge your lover just because they may desire to try something out of the “norm”. By following this route you may someday learn the secrets that so many of these swinging couples enjoy.

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