Have Better Sex » Jane

Talk Dirty To Me!

Jane — Mon, 02 May 2011 08:32:33 +0000

“Oh give it to me baby!” Is that about the extent of your dirty talking in the bedroom? Many couples whose sex lives start out hot and spicy in the beginning end up repeating a series of lackluster routine events that frankly…aren’t too exciting. There are plenty of men and women with the same complaint. “He/she used to be so erotic in the bedroom, demanding sexual performance and now…nothing.” It’s true. Once you become a husband or wife, mother or father – you may not feel as comfortable talking dirty in your partner’s ear. Still, dirty talk as foreplay, during and after sex can be a huge arousal tool that can set your love life on fire. Here are a few tips!

The first thing to do is to share with your partner what kind of dirty talk turns you on. Some of us are too embarrassed to even talk about it, and we just hope they will say the right things. However, your partner can’t read your mind. Don’t be afraid to let loose with some ‘loose’ language that steers your partner in the right direction. If you want your man or woman to be more hardcore, then ask for it! Using some well placed cuss words during sex can amp up the performance of any person and makes your love making sessions hotter than ever. And while you may be sure your partner doesn’t like to hear that talk from you, it may just be that they aren’t used to it. In fact, in a loving and healthy relationship – what happens in the bedroom doesn’t have to be in line with your responsibilities during the day. This should be your place to let go as a couple and increase your intimacy with one another, closing the outside world out completely. Remember the old adage, what goes on in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom? No one will know about your ‘dirty talk’ but you and your partner. So don’t hold back!

When is the last time you had a little phone sex with your partner? If you are in the mood, rather than wait it out all day until you are together, why not meet up over Skype or through a game of mad texting that shows him or her just how aroused you are. For many people, using emails or texts to indicate their desires and needs is easier than just calling them and blurting it out. Remember, men like women to be assertive, especially when it comes to sex!

If you feel silly talking dirty at first, then take it slow. You obviously don’t want your man rising up to look and make sure that you are still the same woman. However, whispering a few things that you like in his ears while he is in motion, interspersed with a few moans and groans are real turn ons for men. In addition to that, when he sees you more comfortable being verbal with your wants and desires, he may even let you in on a few fantasies of his as well. Who knows, it could open up a completely new type of sex to your relationship that is more fulfilling than ever before.

Perhaps the most important aspect of talking dirty to your man, is allowing him to see that you aren’t afraid or intimidated by erotic talk. Men often complain that their woman just lies there when they are having sex. Even if you don’t know all the moves and grooves yet to truly erotic lovemaking, dirty talk can help to spice things up.

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Humor in the Bedroom

Jane — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 09:26:35 +0000

Sex is not really going to be terribly enjoyable if it is not taken lightheartedly, and treated as fun, which is what it’s supposed to be. When dealing with bodily fluids, different orifices, contortionists, fetishes, awkward clothing, timing and orgasm faces, it is hard not to take amusement in sex.

If you ever find yourself in a situation, whereby perhaps your bodily functions are just determined to embarrass you, just laugh it off! There is nothing either of you can do about it, and it can happen to everyone, so don’t run from the bedroom in shame and risk spoiling your steamy session – just go with the flow.

If it is a funny time you are looking for, then why not invent some games that will have you both in hysterical laughter. Take it in turns to pick some positions from the Karma Sutra – the more outrageous ones – and give them a try. You may end up finding something that really suits you both and makes you feel great! Alternatively you can purchase (or invent your own) adult board or card games that can not only provide fun, but set the mood and the themes for the evening.

If you are looking to heat things up at night, with a spice of humor, try reading some erotica to each other. The graphic stories will serve their purpose at turning you both on, but add a twist to it, by pretending you are the characters and acting out the story (where possible!). You will both get a kick out of the different scenarios, the role playing and the fun involved. Similarly, watching porn together, soft or hardcore, can certainly enhance the humor if you are one to find the acting a little bit over the top, you can certainly have a giggle at the dialogue and the often poor plots! Then, work some of that dialogue into your own love making! See if your man can keep a straight face as you imitate the girls in the movie: “Ooooooohh Yeah..!”

Sex toys provide a lot of fun. That’s why they are called toys! Have fun using the toys on each other, or yourself while your partner watches. As with everything, maintain your sense of humor. Often masturbating for a partner can make someone feel self conscious and awkward, but remember, your partner is loving it! They don’t think anything bad at all, they are learning about you, what areas get you going and how you like to be touched! Use of the toys offers interaction as well as fun. You can invent more games with them with the use of a blindfold. Use the toys in an unpredictable fashion, giving those blindfolded a great sense of anticipation and heightened sensitivity too. Take it in turns and enjoy yourselves!

There are many things you can do in bed to vary your play time. Sex should never have to become boring, predictable or uncomfortable. Just always remember to keep your sense of humor in the forefront, especially in the bedroom!

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Dressing For Sex – So What’s Better than Naked?

Jane — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 11:38:50 +0000

I’m so glad you asked that question, oh you didn’t?, well that’s ok I’ll answer it anyway. Dressing in a certain fashion can be twice as titillating to your partner in many ways. First of all it creates a new spice & atmosphere for your encounters. Secondly it plays upon the most important sexual organ we have, the brain. Along with mood lighting, aromas & other factors, the human animal enjoys the art of the tease & thrives when wondering what’s inside that outfit, even when they already know.

This is especially true in men. Many of today’s lingerie catalog companies have discovered this & begun to charge for their catalogs. I’m not sure if this statistic still holds true but at one time 50 % of Victorias Secret & Fredericks catalog sales were to men! Granted they have beautiful models, but so do many of todays men’s magazines. The fact of the matter is men love Lingerie. To most men, myself included, a woman dressed in sexy lingerie is far sexier than naked. This dressing also ads to the pleasure of “unwrapping the package” so to speak & both extends & enhances foreplay. Ladies don’t you worry either, there are just as many sexy undergarments for men out there!

Is There More Than Just Lingerie?

Today’s catalogs, stores & internet sites carry just about anything a person could imagine. From skin tight latex to leather & chains, frilly corsets to see-through cat suits, anything can be had, so be bold, be brave & jump in. You will find many links throughout this section to companies that carry these items. You will also want to check out our links section for more companies of this type. Many of these companies now carry plus sizes in a very respectable assortment. We have attempted to include this plus size information for as many companies as possible.

Just How Pricey Is This Stuff?

Prices on these items vary wildly, but we will warn you right up front, this is one place where you really do get what you pay for. I don’t even want to think of how many sexy outfits were thrown out in this house after one or two washings. Do yourself a giant favor & stay away from the Valentines Day junk in K-mart & other such stores. This Lingerie might as well be marked disposable because it wont last a week. Leather is another area that should be watched for “junk”. Good leather products are VERY expensive but will last for years & lots of wear & tear, if you get my drift. Cheap leather is usually vinyl or synthetic & will not last. These cheaper lines also tend to bleed when they get wet, & if they aren’t getting wet your not having fun!

We also like to make it a rule around here to physically see what we are buying before we buy it, or make sure there is a decent return policy if we can’t see it. This can be a little tricky because most states have laws about returning underwear, so be very careful when ordering sight-unseen! In all of our links for these items we will attempt to give a price range for most items & any discount offers the company may offer.

So That’s It, Dress Up To Take it Off?

The answer to this question lies in the imagination of everyone who wants to try these ideas. What you do with it is your choice, but actually there is a lot more than just dressing up. When “playing” with the mind of your lover by dressing up to tantalize them there is one word I urge you to keep in mind, anticipation. One such scenario would be to wear an extremely sexy outfit under your clothes when going out for the evening. At an opportune moment let your lover have an unexpected peek at your sexy attire. Knowing they must wait will drive them up the wall & if you actually make it to a bedroom, the sex can be wild after many hours of thinking about your hidden sexiness. Wearing these items to places that your lover would never expect to see them & has no way of doing anything about it could just be the ultimate tease!

Now that I’ve got your wicked little minds running on overtime I’ll let you go………I’m such a tease!

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Understanding and Exploring Sexual Fantasies

Jane — Thu, 03 May 2007 12:50:58 +0000

When you are in a relationship that has evolved to sharing secrets and potential fantasies, you are entering a new chapter in your love (and sex) life. When your lover feels enough trust to tell you their fantasy, your response is critical.

Fantasies stem from anywhere in the mind, in their dreams and in all their past experiences. Maybe they had a lover that was always gentle and never very aggressive, and now they would like someone to “take charge”, so to speak. Or maybe their previous lovers weren’t very romantic, just “wham, bam, thank you and good night.” Now they want a romantic setting, the one they’ve always dreamed of. Maybe it involves dressing up, or dressing in costume, or making love in a new place, or role playing.

Whatever they tell you, understand that it is a fantasy and just that. It doesn’t mean that they are dissatisfied with your “regular” love-making or unhappy with your relationship. It means that they trust you enough to want to share with you some new adventures. Please see our Fantasy Talk article for ideas & suggestions about discussing your fantasies. Be open, ask questions, and never judge your partner’s fantasy. Discuss and set personal limits, like whether or not you are comfortable in fulfilling that specific fantasy, if not, pick one you mutually agree on.

What Exactly Is a Sex Fantasy?

When first posed with this question many vivid ideas come into my mind, but the fact is that a sexual fantasy can be almost anything to any one person. Sex fantasies, without getting overly philosophical here, are the inner desires & curiosities that almost everyone has at one time or another. They can be as tame as a romantic night on a secluded beach or as wild as an orgy. Almost every human on the planet will fantasize at one time or another either sexually or otherwise. It is similar to a child’s secret play world or play friend. Most sexual fantasies allow the person to explore their inner desires while keeping the fantasy free from judgment & maintaining complete control over the situation. For these very reasons it is well recognized that not all sexual fantasies are meant to be fulfilled. Some will remain a hidden moment within us all.

The comment was once mentioned to me by someone that she had never had a sex fantasy, at least not to her knowledge. With further discussion & exploration it was later found that many fantasies had come & gone without this person even knowing they were indeed sex fantasies. On the other hand many have frequent fantasies & readily use them for such things as masturbation. Exploring each others fantasies, as we mentioned above, will indeed take a lot of trust & patience. Allowing each other to open up & reveal each other’s inner selves & thoughts is truly a giant leap in any relationship & can result in a bond closer than you have ever known before. It must be a time of complete honesty & without ego, jealousy or prejudice. Demeaning someone’s fantasies is a blow to them far worse than anything else in the world as it would be considered by most an attack on the very soul of the person.

Creating A Sexual Fantasy

Creating a successful fantasy requires a little bit of research and some work. Discuss your fantasy in as much detail as possible, so that the fantasy is as wonderful and fulfilling as it can be for you partner. Once you have all the details, set aside the day and time, making sure there are no interruptions. Rent a room, get a baby sitter, turn off the phone, the beeper and the cell. The world can live without you for a few hours (or hopefully longer).

Sometimes, all you’ll need are some bubbles for a sensuous bath, other times you’ll need the help of some props and toys. Make sure you have all the right things on hand for a night of pleasure. Shop for lingerie or leather, feathers, or rubber, whatever is required, and plan carefully. You don’t want to be right in the middle of a great sexual moment, only to find you’ve forgotten the key element in the fantasy………Yikes!

Sometimes creating a great sexual fantasy may take some serious time and research. Finding the right clothing, toys, or any other requirements may take searching out local shops or ordering online. To make the realization of a fantasy as great as the fantasy itself everything should be perfect. Sometimes knowing exactly what to do and how may even take some research. Some of this can also be found online and sometimes you may find some “hints” in a good porn movie. One word of warning though, don’t believe everything you see in a porn movie. All too often half of what you see is about as fake as it can be. Use common sense when researching information on a sexual fantasy.

Fulfilling Sex Fantasies

Just as there are many different people, there will be different fantasies. We must ask you to use caution when choosing to fulfill a fantasy with your lover that may be a little outside the norm of romance or private goings on between two people. If your fantasy requires more than just the two of you, or involves something risky, please discuss the potential harm it could cause to your relationship. Please remember to discuss everything in advance. Don’t just bring in a third person without telling your lover it’s going to happen or put your lover into bondage and start dripping hot wax on them without their consent. Major bad move.

The idea is to enhance your relationship and your sex life, not kill them both in one shot. Trust is the most important element in fantasy play, and in your relationship. Guard it, and respect it….then anything is possible. Communicate, plan and enjoy!

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